What advice would you give to your younger self?
This was one of the questions that Dr Rebecca Newton, Patrycja Sowa and I asked in our new research on women’s leadership published in the EMCC's International Journal of Mentoring and Coaching. We spoke to women in leading positions across government, business and charities around the world about what helped them reach and thrive in their roles. From permanent secretaries to CEOs, the messages were clear: back yourself, get the support you need (after big promotions too, not just before) and take time to think.
Doing this research was such an eye-opener for me, despite having my own experience of getting to senior leadership in the civil service and serving as a director of a global company. It was inspiring – and at times a bit horrifying – to hear the stories of what it took for women in so many different contexts to become leaders in their fields. It’s hard to do justice to the full range of insights this work has to offer for all leaders and organisations, not just women themselves. But as we return to our desks after the new year, I thought I would share the wisdom that these women generously shared with me.
Is it still harder to get to senior leadership if you’re a woman?
Most of these women didn’t experience a “glass ceiling” in their progression – where they were explicitly excluded from any senior roles simply because of their gender – but they all spoke about gender-related challenges which they faced in their careers. This “second-generation gender bias” is already well documented in research across countries and sectors. It includes an array of less tangible barriers that women consistently face at work, such as being channelled into inward-looking business roles or having to meet performance criteria that favour stereotypically male styles of leadership and management.
The “double bind” is a particular example of this more subtle gender bias that came up again and again in the stories women told. This is where expectations of women as leaders – “be confident, assertive and strong” – conflict with expectations of them as women – “be kind, caring and soft” – leaving them in a lose-lose situation where they’re punished either way. As one woman put it: “Women are never quite right, because we’re being measured by a standard that wasn’t made for us. It’s a man’s suit that we’re being asked to step into. And it doesn’t fit.”
It’s reassuring that women in public and third sector roles interviewed for the study were less likely to have experienced the level of gender bias in their progression described by women in the private sector. They said that seeing other women in leadership roles mattered a lot, and that it also took individual drive and determination to succeed. “I genuinely don’t think I ever felt like I couldn’t move to the next level because I was a woman,” one said. “In fact, what always used to drive me to do bigger things was the feeling that if I didn’t apply, some less-qualified and less-capable man would get it instead.”
This doesn’t mean the civil service can be complacent about gender barriers to progression, subtle or otherwise. One senior diplomat reported this comment from a future manager: “‘Do you think you can still come and do this job, because it’s a big job, and you’re gonna have a small child?’ Which was something, frankly, they shouldn’t have said, and it really knocked my confidence for quite a long time.”
The “glass cliff” – where women are put into more precarious and challenging leadership roles than their male counterparts – was another phenomenon explored in the research. It was fascinating to see just how many women spoke about taking on very difficult roles as part of their journeys to senior leadership. These were high-stakes jobs where things were “a mess”, “toxic” or “huge” and far too big for one person to handle.
Some women reflected that gender stereotypes may have played a part in their selection for certain roles. In many cases, they were seen to possess the people skills necessary for leading through difficult changes: being “nice to everyone” while also “sorting things out” or being “fixers”. One paraphrased this line of thinking as: “Put the woman at the front and let her voice the message, because it’ll come across softer.” She added: “But I always felt like I was the one making the hard calls.”
Another gendered expectation was an instinct to step in to protect others. As another participant said: “Am I taking it over because I think I can handle it better than anyone else in my organisation? Probably. And am I taking it over because I’m a woman and I’m, like, designed to protect everybody around me, so I’ll pick up all the heat? Probably.”
Interestingly, some women described choosing these roles, being drawn to them “like a moth to flame”. Research suggests this may be explained by an assumed need to prove yourself as a woman leader. “So, yes. It’s a glass cliff, that I was complicit in,” one such leader told us, adding: “At that time if anyone had said, ‘No, it is probably a bit much, you shouldn’t,’ I would have probably said, ‘No, I can do that.’”
A common plot twist in these stories is that once in these roles, women felt alone and lacking in support. As a former DG put it: “I’ve worked hard and been lucky enough to get this senior position that’s across government and high profile, so do I dare say, ‘Wait a minute, you’re breaking me?’ The need to show competence and the importance of looking highly unflappable. I wonder if there is just this additional pressure for women.”
So, what advice would these women give to others making their way to leadership today?
The most consistent piece of advice was “back yourself” – have the courage to speak up, even if you’re the newest person at the table, and let go of the need to feel like an expert before you put your head above the parapet.
“Don’t wait until you’re perfect at something before you try,” one woman said. “Figure out your own leadership style and go for it. Don’t be pigeon-holed or stereotyped into what people might expect from female leadership.”
But you don’t need to be brave on your own. Women talked without exception about the importance of seeking out all sorts of support as their careers developed, from informal peer groups to mentors and coaches. Finding that you’re not alone in the challenges you face can have a profound impact on your sense of self-efficacy, even before you get to practical things like advice.
Observations included: “If you’re the only one doing it, then you’re definitely on your glass cliff. But actually, if there’s a group of you doing it, that cliff starts to level out into more of a broad, sunny upland.”
The research also showed that this wasn’t just about getting to senior leadership, but also about thriving when you finally make it: “I didn’t need coaching to make partner; I needed it after I got there.”
This was intimately linked to the third thing that women wanted to say to their younger selves: take time to think. At times, this is about resilience – finding ways to “put your own oxygen mask on first” so that you can serve others better. The pressure to progress (self-imposed and otherwise) is fierce, and on this fast track we might not pause to think about what we want, how we want to show up and the leader we want to be. The emphasis here is not on learning new leadership skills or pursuing a specific goal, but on developing that sense of yourself as a leader to get beyond the male success stereotype.
An interviewee summed up this pressure: “Don’t be girly, don’t be maternal. You know, don’t be little sister, or big sister… but actually show up as a woman leader with legitimacy and own your space.”
One DG described how taking a step back in this way had helped her reset expectations of herself and work in a more sustainable way: “It makes you think about how you’re going to do the job without driving yourself into the ground by trying to be conscientious and do everything.”
It was in these moments that women formed their identities as leaders and were able to become role models for others. “I genuinely think you can be leaderly and be warm and emotional at the same time,” one said. “And actually, you should really have faith in that. It’s not about being soppy, but it is about being empathetic.
“If I think about the reputation that I have in the civil service, that is what people always say I’m like: effective and yet human.”
Claudine Menashe-Jones is an executive coach and former senior civil servant. She works with UN agencies, UK government departments and charities and businesses around the world.
The research was co-authored with Rebecca Newton PhD – CEO of CoachAdviser – and Patrycja Sowa, a psychologist, executive coach and researcher. The full report is available here