When a journalist from the BBC called me at the start of July, I assumed it was about the Chagos Islands (I am the co-ordinator of the Chagos Islands all-party parliamentary group). It soon became apparent, however, that it was about Hong Kong and Northern Ireland. Could I comment on the exchange of correspondence I had in 1983 with the Northern Ireland Office concerning a proposal to move the people of Hong Kong to a “city state”, to be situated in Magilligan between Coleraine and Londonderry?
At the time I was the desk officer for Northern Ireland in the Republic of Ireland Department (RID) of the Foreign Office. Was this a serious idea? Did it ring any bells? No bells rang – so I asked the journalist, Sanchia Berg, to send me the correspondence, which was just about to be released by the National Archives.
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Seeing the letter I had written nearly 32 years earlier took me straight back to my desk in a turret of the former Colonial Office, now part of the FCO, where the tiny RID (five officers) was housed. I remembered it all: my four colleagues; the file cover – “Replantation of Northern Ireland from Hong Kong” – which I had classified as “restricted”; the type writers; the telephones.
I agreed to do an interview with James Naughtie on the Today programme the next morning. Although the press (PA, Guardian, Independent) had taken it a little too seriously, the BBC did not. Perhaps they saw my marginal comment, “Spoof”, on the incoming letter.
Naughtie gave me an easy time, allowing me to explain that it was a humorous exchange, which the “weeders” at Hanslope Park really ought to have shredded since there were only two communications – neither of historical importance – in the file. But perhaps they had felt that the joke should be shared with the general public. (A former colleague, who is one such weeder, has since explained that this would not have been the basis on which the file was retained.)
I assured Naughtie that it was no more than amusement between colleagues. Given the Troubles and the harrowing events in Northern Ireland we were dealing with, it helped release tension. But, I added, such a spoof would not be possible in today’s FCO. Institutions such as the FCO had exported any lingering humour to The Now Show.
Like many colleagues in the Diplomatic Service, I saw humour and irony as elements in building relationships between departments and with diplomats at home and abroad. This was not the last spoof with which I was involved. The one I enjoyed most was circulating a class three cyclone warning to my staff shortly before retiring as high commissioner to Mauritius. Of course, they knew the “cyclone” was Mauritian prime minister Paul Berenger, who had taken off for London to protest to Tony Blair about the infamous Orders in Council, enacted to deprive exiled Chagossians of their right of abode. Number 10 kept the door firmly shut, so Mr Berenger went to see the Commonwealth secretary general and together they issued a condemnatory statement.
I took up this theme in my valedictory despatch of November 2004, a tradition abolished soon after. It was quoted by the former FCO minister Chris Mullin in his autobiography, A View from the Foothills. Since my valedictory remains confidential for another decade, I can only repeat what Mr Mullin quoted me as saying:
“Perpetual re-examination, renaming and reprioritisation take their toll. Too much of our effort has gone into managing and studying ourselves with the result that the tools of our trade have rusted and bilateral relations have been downgraded. Substance is giving way to process. Correctness has become the enemy of another vital ingredient of diplomacy – a sense of humour. It is difficult these days to raise a smile in London.”
The last gasp of the old guard; or does he have a point?
I still have contact with the FCO over Chagos issues. I copied the BBC iPlayer recording to those I deal with as a salutary warning that, in 20 years’ time, what they write today may come back to haunt them. I got no response. I assume they were too busy, or not amused – and probably risk averse.